What Women Really Mean...

In the language of love, there is often a number of miscommunication going back and forth between men and women. I know women are viewed as “strange creatures” to men, and to put it simply, yes, we are. We are highly complex, emotional specimens, and more often than not, if you men do not have the secret to “decoding” us, you will definitely be lost in translation. And so, here I am giving you this decoder in hopes you will find a way to decipher what we women want and what we really mean.

Men often ask me what women really mean when we say and do something. The difference between men and women is that men say what they mean while women tend to internalize and analyze. We tend to use hints and insinuations to get our meaning across rather than saying something directly. So here are a few quick phrases and their hidden meanings:

1. “Fine.”

When we say “fine” we do not really mean “fine.” What we really mean is if you do not see it our way, nothing is fine. We also usually say this word during an argument when we want to end the discussion and shut you up. Under no circumstances should you use “fine” to describe a woman. This word is insulting to us, and lacks thought and meaning in our eyes.

1. “If that's what you really want.”

When we say this, we are not really agreeing with what you decide. We really want you to know that what you want does not equal what we want, and so we see this as a problem. What this really means is, “You better agree to what I want or I will be very unhappy.” In this case, ask her if she is really okay with the decision. Otherwise you would be willing to revisit the matter.

1. “Nothing is wrong.”

If a woman says this, and there is something clearly wrong, she is saying this to you in hopes you will eventually catch on that something is wrong. Men at this  point have to be detectives in gathering information on what is really wrong. This may or may not have something to do with something you said or did, but basically you need to get to the bottom of what really is wrong.

1. “Do what you want.”

When we say this, we really are saying that if you choose to do whatever you want, there will be consequences and you will pay later. This phrase is basically a warning to let you know that if you “do what you want,” we will remember, and we will make you suffer in the long run. So in this instance I would find a middle ground between what your woman wants and what you want. This is where compromise is the best solution.

1. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

When a woman says this to a man, she is really trying to let him down easy. She doesn’t want to be mean and tell him that she just isn’t attracted to him, or that she doesn’t feel enough chemistry to date him. In this case, women really do just want to be friends, while men usually cannot remain friends with a woman they really like or are attracted to. It depends on the man whether he really wants to try and remain friends with her.

1. “I’m just so busy with work right now.”

When a woman says this to a man, she wants to let a man down without trying to be mean. It really means she is not interested in dating you because she does not want to fit you into her schedule. At this point, the best thing to do is move on. Just like a man, if a woman really wants to spend time with you she will make the time.

1. “Where is this relationship going?”

A woman asks this question when she wants to gage what the status of your relationship is, and whether the man intends to further commit to the relationship. She wants to know that there is a future, that the relationship is leading to a bigger event such as exclusivity, living together or getting engaged.  By asking this question, it is a woman’s way of suggesting or hinting the man bring up the idea of exclusivity and commitment. A man should be not be pressured to commit to something he is not ready for, but if a woman asks you this question, be prepared to give her an honest answer. She deserves to know whether she is wasting her time or not.

1. “Go ahead. See if I care.”

When a woman says this, she does not really want you to “go ahead,” and she really does care. This phrase is a way for women to retaliate when an argument ensues. The best way to diffuse the situation is to step back and let her cool down, knowing that she is just upset, and doesn’t really mean what she says. Whatever the situation may be, do not pursue anything until she has had time to cool off and can think more rationally. Then broach the subject up in a kinder, gentler manner and actually have a discussion. You need to figure out why she is so opposed to the subject matter at hand.

1. “Do you get along with your mother?”

When a woman asks you this question during the early stages of dating, she is trying to gage your character by the type of relationship you have with your mother. Men who are close to their mothers are seen as more loyal, loving, generous, and devoted. It is a stereotype, but essentially, your answer assures us you are generally a good man, and we are more open to dating you. So when a woman asks you this question, be honest. If there are some memorable moments you have had of your mom, offer up the stories. Just don’t make yourself out to be a “mama’s boy,” as that can be a turn off to some women.

1. “A man tried to pick me up tonight.”

When a woman tells you this, she is usually trying to remind you that she is a hot commodity that other men want, and that you should not take her for granted. She is probably feeling neglected somewhat so the best way to handle this comment is to pay her a compliment instead of getting angry or jealous. You could say something to the effect, “Of course men will try to hit on you. You’re a beautiful woman.” And instead of flying into a jealous rage, you could say, “I’m the lucky one because you’re coming home to me.” Every so often you need to tell your woman what she means to you. Offer her compliments and tell her you love her. Sometimes a little goes a long way.